How many times have you promised yourself to do something or start with something new but in the end you didn’t do it, because of your insecurity? How much of your life have you believed that you are insecure and that you can’t do certain things? What is that failure based story that you keep telling yourself that keeps you insecure and at the same place you’ve always been? Your insecurity is blocking you from what you really want most in life.
What would it be like if you had the tools to transform your insecurity and do what you really want? In this blog I would like to talk to you about what insecurity actually is and give a new perspective on it and what you can do to turn your insecurities around so they won’t block you from having or doing what you really want.
What is insecurity?
When you think of insecurity, it most probably triggers an emotion that you have been associating with insecurity and you start to analyze that feeling and you think about all the experiences you’ve had that have made you feel insecure. It is an almost automatic reaction, you can’t seem to stop.
But when we see the word ‘insecurity’ and start to see it for what it really is, the perspective changes, it actually will become something you can understand and manage.
In – secure states that you are not secure about the outcome. For example, when you start something new or do something you have never done before or have never done successfully, you are in- secure about what is going to happen. When you have done something a million times, it is not likely that you feel insecure about it, right
In-security is the uncertainty of knowing the outcome
In opposition to insecurity, you can also look at being secure. This is something we most want in our lives, it makes us feel safe and we can trust it. That’s why we hate to feel insecure so much. Because of our survival instinct. But in this life you have, you will not likely really be so unsafe that your fear/ insecurity has any survival function anymore. Mostly our insecurities are just a story we tell ourselves because we are uncertain about the outcome.
Let’s say that you are about to do something you have never done before and you are doing it alone.
- For example, going to an event you would like to attend, but feel insecure about going to.
- You are about to meet someone for the first time and you feel insecure about how they are going to feel about you – on a date or with someone you admire.
- You are starting a new vlog/blog and you feel super insecure if people would want to listen to what you have to say.
- Or you have never done a physical challenge like walking the Camino, and you feel insecure if you will finish and if you will survive that many km’s. (survival instinct of insecurity)
Exaggeration is a big part of our insecure thoughts, because not knowing means we can only use our imaginations to get a picture about how it’s going to be. Insecurity is rarely based on facts and feeds of off our negative representations of our perceived reality.
Now think of your own situation before heading to the solutions you can apply to overcome your insecurity.
Train yourself and start small
The first thing you can do, to feel less insecure about a new thing you are going to do, it to turn it into something smaller and start to practice. Train yourself how to do that something new in a setting that is less scary. For example, when you are insecure about doing a public speech, you start to practice in front of the mirror and then for your family or a group of friends. That way you can show yourself there is nothing to be afraid of and you slowly start to see your insecure feelings melt away.
All new things seem a bit scary, but once you have gone the first times it will get better.
Starting small in the examples I mentioned is like this. You could see yourself go to an event that is close to home or in a smaller setting. Although I remember, going to my first events alone I liked it that it was just to go dancing and everything was kinda individual. I could come and go whenever I wanted. Do what feels comfortable to you. And remember, practice makes perfect. And you can give yourself compliments for every hurdle that you take.
Make sure you keep challenging yourself and keep going bigger and bigger. It is an easy way out, to stay with the small steps. So just a warning here, don’t do that! Go for what you really, really want!
Familiarize yourself with the possible outcomes
Once you know the outcome it is going to be okay, the insecurity diminishes. Am I right? Another thing you can do it to think about all the possible outcomes and choose the one that is most likely to occur or that feels ‘less scary’.
Going to an event that you have never been to before. That could go like this.
- You will go to the event and find out it is a total scam or a flop.
- You will meet or talk to nobody and return home empty handed.
- You might talk to 1 or 2 people and follow the course that you signed up for.
- You will get to the door, meet another person that is there alone and you will go to the course together and exchange numbers to do this again sometime.
- You will have a great time and even hang around after the course ends with some fun people.
Either outcome is possible. So also write down the outcomes that you are most afraid of. Then start to add the things you wish would happen. Then try to visualize what the most desired outcome will be and so on…
You will start to feel more empowered as you do this. Make sure you end with the most powerful and most desired outcome when you make your list.
Familiarizing yourself could also mean that you find out more information about the people going, or about the event or about your date, or whatever new situation you are going towards and feel insecure about. The more you know about the outcome, the less insecure you will feel.
Step into who you want to be
This last step is probably the most life-changing tool that you will get from this blogpost. Get acquainted with the person you want to be and start acting like that person.
When you see yourself in the most desired outcome of your possible outcomes, there is something inside you that feels different. Am I right? You feel confident and more open and probably there is not much left of your insecurity. If you would know in advance that a situation would turn out exactly as you hoped it would be, you will feel strong and confident.
I want you to start seeing yourself like the person you are going to be a year from now when you have been taking on the small challenges and have decided to start doing the things you have always wanted to do. You have been going to these events, have a bunch of good experiences meeting new people or going on fun dates. Or you have been training for that physical challenge for a year and you just recently finished (and survived) your Camino or any other challenge. How would that make you feel?
Make a very clear picture of yourself and your circumstances, but especially how this change has made you feel? You look at yourself in the mirror and see a totally changed person. You see a person that is confident and happy about herself. A person that is not hiding from the world anymore and going after what she really wants most in life. You are the person that you have always wanted to be.
See yourself as the person you have always wanted to be
Describe this ‘new you’ the best you can.
Now start to feel like her. What is the advice she is giving you about the things you can start doing today? What would she do if she was you?
She will make that appointment with that cute guy, pick up the phone to have a first conversation. She will go to the event that she has been longing to go to for the last months. Even if there is nobody there she will have had the experience and can feel proud about that. She will start recording video’s and write templates about what to blog/ vlog about and find a way how she can start making a difference in someone’s life today! She will start training for the physical challenge that is ahead and set her mind to wanting to finish that Camino.
Getting into the skin of your ‘new self’ is definitely going to help you overcome some of your insecurities. Especially the ones that were based on really ‘old stories’ and situations that you just could not have known the outcome of.
Spiritual perspective to overcome insecurity
There is also a more spiritual perspective on insecurity. But first I needed to let you see insecurity in a different light, make it manageable. In the last tips, you have gotten you to know now exactly what you can do to manage your insecurity.
You are so much more than just your insecure feelings.
Feeling insecure and that insecurity has been blocking you from the life you really want, is just a story. It means you have been identifying too much with the ‘story about you’, instead of connecting to the part that is ALL that you can be.
When I look at my insecurity I see it as a part of my past, present and future. It is totally okay for me that these feelings come up once in a while. It means that I’m doing ‘new things’ and that I’m growing. If I would not feel insecure for a long time, it means I’m in my comfort zone.
Looking at my insecurity as part of who I am, has turned that insecurity into my Authentic Power. I don’t need the insecurity to take charge of my life, because I AM responsible for my life. But the insecurity can also be there, as part of the journey. It is just one of the emotions that need to be expressed and wants me to be safe.
If you would like to learn a meditation to Turn your Insecurity into your Authentic Power and make a shift in your perspective on insecurities in general, make sure you subscribe to my free training. It will help you grow into the person you always wanted to be.
Let me hear your thoughts on insecurity and how these tips have helped you see things differently. And let me know if the free training is something you would like to do. I’ll be here if you have any questions, please leave a comment below and I will answer them personally. Thank you for your honest opinion and for being open about your insecurities. Being honest and open is the key to learning and growing.